{"id":18005,"date":"2024-08-09T13:40:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-09T12:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sukkatshalom-bneinoach.com\/?p=18005"},"modified":"2024-08-09T13:40:00","modified_gmt":"2024-08-09T12:40:00","slug":"parshat-devarim-5784-giving-criticism-receiving-criticism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sukkatshalom-bneinoach.com\/fr\/parshat-devarim-5784-giving-criticism-receiving-criticism\/","title":{"rendered":"DONNER DES CRITIQUES, RECEVOIR DES CRITIQUES"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u05d1\u05e1 \"\u05d3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

UNE R\u00c9FLEXION SUR PARSHAT<\/a> <\/strong>DEVARIM 5784<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This week’s parsha begins with the following words in Deuteronomy 1<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1 These are the words which Moses spoke unto all Israel beyond the Jordan; in the wilderness, in the Arabah, over against Suph, between Paran and Tophel, and Laban, and Hazeroth, and Di-zahab.<\/td>\u05d0  \u05d0\u05b5\u05dc\u05b6\u05bc\u05d4 \u05d4\u05b7\u05d3\u05b0\u05bc\u05d1\u05b8\u05e8\u05b4\u05d9\u05dd, \u05d0\u05b2\u05e9\u05b6\u05c1\u05e8 \u05d3\u05b4\u05bc\u05d1\u05b6\u05bc\u05e8 \u05de\u05b9\u05e9\u05b6\u05c1\u05d4 \u05d0\u05b6\u05dc-\u05db\u05b8\u05bc\u05dc-\u05d9\u05b4\u05e9\u05b0\u05c2\u05e8\u05b8\u05d0\u05b5\u05dc, \u05d1\u05b0\u05bc\u05e2\u05b5\u05d1\u05b6\u05e8, \u05d4\u05b7\u05d9\u05b7\u05bc\u05e8\u05b0\u05d3\u05b5\u05bc\u05df:  \u05d1\u05b7\u05bc\u05de\u05b4\u05bc\u05d3\u05b0\u05d1\u05b8\u05bc\u05e8 \u05d1\u05b8\u05bc\u05e2\u05b2\u05e8\u05b8\u05d1\u05b8\u05d4 \u05de\u05d5\u05b9\u05dc \u05e1\u05d5\u05bc\u05e3 \u05d1\u05b5\u05bc\u05d9\u05df-\u05e4\u05b8\u05bc\u05d0\u05e8\u05b8\u05df \u05d5\u05bc\u05d1\u05b5\u05d9\u05df-\u05ea\u05b9\u05bc\u05e4\u05b6\u05dc, \u05d5\u05b0\u05dc\u05b8\u05d1\u05b8\u05df \u05d5\u05b7\u05d7\u05b2\u05e6\u05b5\u05e8\u05b9\u05ea–\u05d5\u05b0\u05d3\u05b4\u05d9 \u05d6\u05b8\u05d4\u05b8\u05d1.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It would have sufficed if Moses had simply stated “the words of Moses.” Why include this list of place names? Some of these names seem familiar, while others are obscure. For instance, “Tophel” does not appear elsewhere in the Tanakh. As we continue, we find a summary of the Israelites’ experiences over the past 40 years, including their misdeeds, and Moses urges them to serve the Eternal and take His Torah seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Purpose of Criticism<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In the beginning of Deuteronomy, we see Moses reproaching the people for their behavior, their complaints about food, and their reluctance to enter the land. These criticisms are not detailed; a brief mention is sufficient. The specific events at these places were relevant to the people of that time, but the lessons we can draw are universal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why does Moses choose to criticize the people just before his death?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone is about to die, their final words often carry more weight and are better remembered. Moses uses this moment to warn and exhort the people: listen to the Eternal, your G-d!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 En Deuteronomy 1 verse 11,<\/a> we read the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

11 Que le Seigneur, le Dieu de vos p\u00e8res, vous rende mille fois plus nombreux que vous ne l'\u00eates, et qu'il vous b\u00e9nisse, comme il vous l'a promis !<\/td>\u05d9\u05d0  \u05d3’ \u05d0\u05b1\u05dc\u05b9\u05e7\u05d9 \u05d0\u05b2\u05d1\u05d5\u05b9\u05ea\u05b5\u05db\u05b6\u05dd, \u05d9\u05b9\u05e1\u05b5\u05e3 \u05e2\u05b2\u05dc\u05b5\u05d9\u05db\u05b6\u05dd \u05db\u05b8\u05bc\u05db\u05b6\u05dd–\u05d0\u05b6\u05dc\u05b6\u05e3 \u05e4\u05b0\u05bc\u05e2\u05b8\u05de\u05b4\u05d9\u05dd; \u05d5\u05b4\u05d9\u05d1\u05b8\u05e8\u05b5\u05da\u05b0 \u05d0\u05b6\u05ea\u05b0\u05db\u05b6\u05dd, \u05db\u05b7\u05bc\u05d0\u05b2\u05e9\u05b6\u05c1\u05e8 \u05d3\u05b4\u05bc\u05d1\u05b6\u05bc\u05e8 \u05dc\u05b8\u05db\u05b6\u05dd.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Why does Moses add the words “just like you” to his blessing for the people to increase in number?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rabbi Leibel Eger explains that although Moses rebuked the people, he wanted to ensure they did not feel disheartened or discouraged. Therefore, he emphasized that he did not view them as bad, but rather hoped there would be many more like them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Give Effective Criticism<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

What we can learn from Moses is that criticism should always aim to promote positive change, not to elevate oneself. When giving criticism, it is important to:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Be Direct and Personal:<\/strong> Address the criticism in a direct and personal manner.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Avoid Condemnation:<\/strong> Do not judge the person.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Highlight Positives:<\/strong> Find something positive to praise.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. Show Negative Consequences:<\/strong> Gently show the person the negative outcomes of their behavior.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. Explain the Benefits of Change:<\/strong> Outline the advantages of changing their actions.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    This approach helps to open the recipient’s heart, as everyone naturally resists criticism. Even when we know change will benefit us, there is often initial resistance. This resistance stems from our “yetzer hara<\/em>” (evil inclination) which prevents us from listening and reflecting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The Right Attitude Towards Receiving Criticism<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    The proper attitude when receiving criticism is to take time to reflect on your behavior. This is what Moses does by reviewing the past and comparing it with the Eternal’s commandments. We should do the same: reflect on the situation, compare it with the Eternal’s commandments, and assess whether we made the right choices. The Torah teaches us to reflect in this way, which is the only way to see our mistakes and enable change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Connecting with the Truth<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Wrong behavior often stems from living unconsciously in a lie. We convince ourselves that certain wrong actions bring us something positive (often in the short term), which increases the wrong behavior. Reflecting on criticism should lead us to reconnect with the truth. When we recognize the truth and the positive outcomes of change, the change is effectively underway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Practical Example: Theft<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Criticizer:<\/strong> “You should not take a pencil from work.” Recipient of Criticism:<\/strong> “That’s nonsense, the boss buys them in bulk and everyone takes them home.” (You believe your own excuse.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The right approach is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n