PARSHAT DEVARIM – REBUKE WITHOUT EGO · Sukkat Shalom B'nei Noach

WHAT WE MUST LEARN FORM TRUE LEADERS – SHABBAT CHAZON

Parshat Devarim begins with an unusual list of locations:

“These are the words that Moshe spoke to all Israel, across the Jordan, in the wilderness, in the plain, opposite the Sea of Reeds, between Paran and Tofel and Lavan, and Chatzerot and Di-Zahav.”¹

At first glance, the Torah appears merely to identify where Moshe delivered his final address. Rashi, however, explains that these place-names were themselves words of rebuke. Each name alluded to an occasion on which the Jewish people had sinned and angered G-d.²

“The wilderness” recalled their complaints in the desert. “The plain” alluded to the sin of Baal Peor. “Opposite the Sea of Reeds” recalled their complaints at the sea. “Paran” referred to the sin of the spies. “Tofel and Lavan” alluded to their complaints about the white manna. “Chatzerot” recalled another failure in the wilderness, while “Di-Zahav”—“an abundance of gold”—alluded to the Golden Calf.³

Moshe was confronting serious wrongdoing. Yet he did not describe each sin openly. He mentioned the failures only through hints. Rashi explains that he did so “because of the honour of Israel.”⁴

This teaches us something fundamental about leadership. A true leader cannot ignore wrongdoing, but neither does he use another person’s failure as an opportunity to humiliate him. His purpose is not to demonstrate his own righteousness, release his frustration or show everyone who is in charge. His purpose is to help people improve.

There is therefore a profound difference between rebuke and humiliation. Rebuke says, “Your conduct was wrong, but you are capable of doing better.” Humiliation says, “Your failure defines who you are.”

Moshe confronted the wrong while preserving the dignity of those who had done wrong. This is the first lesson we must learn from our leaders: truth must be spoken, but it must be spoken in a way that allows the other person to grow.

Leadership Is Not Personal

The Rebbe points out an even deeper detail. Rashi says that Moshe mentioned the places where the Jewish people had angered G-d, yet one important incident appears to be missing.

Shortly after leaving Egypt, the people arrived at Marah and discovered that the water was bitter. The Torah states:

“The people complained against Moshe.”⁵

Why did Moshe not include Marah among the other places?

The Rebbe explains that the complaint at Marah was directed against Moshe personally. Moshe was prepared to rebuke the people for offences against G-d, for conduct that endangered their mission and for failures they needed to correct. But he would not use his final address to defend his own honour or settle a
personal grievance.⁶

This is one of the greatest tests of leadership: can a leader distinguish between what is truly wrong and what merely hurts him personally?

It is easy to speak forcefully when our dignity has been wounded. We may even convince ourselves that we are defending an important principle. But sometimes the “principle” is simply our own ego.

A parent may say that he is teaching his child respect when he is really angry that his authority was challenged. A teacher may speak about discipline while reacting to feeling insulted. A community leader may condemn “disunity” when the real offence was that someone disagreed with him. An employer may
accuse a worker of disloyalty when his own pride has been wounded.

Moshe shows us another way. When G-d’s honour and the future of the people were at stake, he spoke. When the offence was directed against him personally, he remained silent.

This is the second lesson we must learn from true leaders: moral authority begins when leadership is no longer used to defend the leader’s ego.

Before correcting another person, we should therefore ask ourselves: Am I defending what is right, or am I defending myself? Am I seeking improvement, or am I seeking vindication? Would I still speak in the same way if no one knew that I had been offended?

A person who cannot separate principle from pride may possess authority, but he is not yet leading like Moshe.

First Warm the Person

The Sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe once gave Rabbi Sholom Gordon guidance before he assumed a rabbinic position in Newark. Rabbi Gordon wanted to inspire his community toward greater Jewish observance, but he feared that strong criticism might alienate people.

The Rebbe asked him whether he had ever visited a schvitz, a traditional steam bath. In the old-style bathhouse, an attendant would massage or strike the bathers with a bundle of leafy branches called a bezem.

What would happen, the Rebbe asked, if someone approached a stranger in the street and began striking him with such a bundle? The stranger would naturally become angry and fight back. Inside the steam bath, however, after the person had been warmed and prepared, he welcomed the same treatment.

The Rebbe explained that a person must first be warmed and elevated through words of Torah and inspiration. Only afterwards, when correction becomes necessary, can it be received as help rather than experienced merely as an attack.⁷

Warmth does not mean avoiding difficult truths. A leader who never corrects anything is not necessarily compassionate; he may simply be afraid of conflict. But truth without warmth is often rejected because the person hears only accusation.

People are more able to accept correction when they know, “You are speaking because you care about me, not because you enjoy criticizing me. You see more in me than my present failure.”

Moshe had carried the Jewish people, prayed for them and defended them for forty years. He did not appear only when it was time to criticize. His entire life had demonstrated his devotion to them. Therefore, when he spoke words of rebuke, they knew that he was not attacking them from a distance. He was speaking as
someone who had given everything for their future.

This is the third lesson we must learn from our leaders: before attempting to influence people, we must first create warmth, trust and genuine connection.

This lesson applies to rabbis, teachers, parents, employers, judges and political leaders. It is also relevant to every Jew and every righteous Bnei Noach who wishes to influence another person morally.

We should not ask only, “What must this person hear?” We must also ask, “Have I created the relationship in which he can hear it?”

Leadership Must Preserve Hope

A leader must address the past, but he may not imprison people in it. Moshe recalled the failures of the Jewish people because they were preparing to enter the Land and begin a new chapter. His rebuke was directed toward their future.

This is crucial. Some forms of criticism leave a person feeling that he is permanently damaged: “You always fail. You never learn. This is simply who you are.”

That is not the Torah’s model of leadership.

A true leader recognizes wrongdoing but continues to see the person’s higher potential. He does not deny the darkness, but neither does he allow the darkness to become the person’s entire identity.

This is especially important for those responsible for systems of justice. The Seven Noahide Laws require humanity to establish courts and protect life, property, family and social order.⁸
Wrongdoing cannot simply be ignored. A society that refuses to confront violence, theft, corruption and abuse will destroy its own
foundations.

Yet justice must never become revenge disguised as morality. A judge must not punish more harshly because he feels insulted. A leader must not use public power to settle private scores. A parent must not shame a child merely to demonstrate control. A teacher must not define a student forever by one failure.

Every human being was created in the image of G-d and therefore possesses inherent dignity.⁹ A person can act wrongly without becoming worthless.

The purpose of leadership is not merely to expose what is broken. It is to help repair it.

The Vision of Shabbat Chazon

Parshat Devarim is read on Shabbat Chazon, the Shabbat before Tisha B’Av. The word Chazon means “vision.” Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev taught that on this Shabbat every Jewish soul is shown a vision of the future Third Beit HaMikdash.¹⁰

Why are we shown the future Temple during the very period in which we remember the destruction of the first two Temples?

The Berditchever explains this with a parable. A father gave his child a beautiful garment, but the child tore it. The father made a second garment, and the child tore that one as well. The father then prepared a third garment but did not immediately give it to the child. From time to time, he showed it to him and explained
that when the child learned to behave properly, he would receive it.¹¹

The father did not show the garment merely to remind the child of his failures. He showed it to awaken a desire for something greater. The vision of the garment was meant to inspire the child until proper conduct became second nature.

This is the ultimate lesson of true leadership. Moshe reminded the people of where they had failed, but Shabbat Chazon shows us where we are going. Torah leadership does not only criticize the world as it is. It gives us a vision of the world as it can and will become.

The future Beit HaMikdash represents a world in which G-dliness is openly revealed, justice is joined with compassion, and humanity lives with peace and moral clarity. The coming of Moshiach is not an escape from human responsibility. It is the fulfillment of everything our leaders have been teaching us to build.

We hasten that future when we speak truth without cruelty, exercise authority without ego, correct without humiliating and refuse to give up on another person’s ability to change.

Moshe teaches us how a leader addresses the past. Shabbat Chazon teaches us how a leader reveals the future.

May we learn from our true leaders not only how to recognize what is wrong, but how to awaken what is right. And through adding in Torah, mitzvot, justice, kindness and unity, may the vision of Shabbat Chazon become visible reality with the coming of Moshiach and the rebuilding of the Third Beit HaMikdash,
speedily in our days.

By Rabbi Avriel Rabenou, MSc. MBA

1. Devarim 1:1.
2. Rashi to Devarim 1:1, s.v. “These are the words.”
3. Ibid., Rashi’s explanation of the individual place-names.
4. Ibid.: Moshe mentioned the sins indirectly mipnei kevodan shel Yisrael—because of the honour of
Israel.
5. Shemot 15:23–24.
6. The Lubavitcher Rebbe, “Moshe’s Impersonal Rebuke,” based on Likkutei Sichot, vol. 14, Parshat
Devarim.
7. Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn’s guidance to Rabbi Sholom B. Gordon, recorded in “What Is a
Schvitz?”
8. Bereishit 9:5–6; Sanhedrin 56a–b; Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Melachim 9:14.
9. Bereishit 1:27; 9:6; Pirkei Avot 3:14.
10. Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, cited by Rabbi Hillel of Paritch, Or HaTorah, Nach, vol. 2, p.
1097, marginal note.
11. The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Likkutei Sichot, vol. 29, Shabbat Chazon, sections 1–3 and 9.

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