THE YEAR YOU HAVEN’T LIVED YET

בס”ד

Elul is a time of preparation.

It is the period that leads us toward Rosh Hashanah, followed by the Ten Days of Teshuvah and then Yom Kippur—the cycle often referred to as the High Holy Days. During this time, we naturally begin to look backwards. We think about the year that is ending. We consider where corrections are needed. And we prepare ourselves to stand before Hashem.

That raises an obvious question for Noahides:

What does Elul have to do with me?

Noahides are not obligated in the specific Jewish observances associated with Elul or Rosh Hashanah. There is no need to invent a parallel set of customs and call it a “Noahide Elul.”

Elul is Elul.

But a person who lives according to Torah also learns to live with an awareness of the Torah’s calendar. The rhythm of the year becomes meaningful. Not every day asks the same thing of us, and not every season invites the same kind of reflection.

And the destination that the calendar is bringing us toward has an explicitly universal dimension.

The Mishnah teaches that on Rosh Hashanah, all the inhabitants of the world pass before Hashem.

All of us.

The particular observances of Rosh Hashanah belong to Israel as mitzvot. But judgment itself does not.

And if I know that Rosh Hashanah is approaching, and I know that all humanity passes before Hashem, then there is a very simple reason for Elul to matter to me:

I don’t want to arrive at the day of judgment accidentally. I want to prepare consciously.

And preparation means looking in two directions.

Behind us is a year we have already lived.

Ahead of us is a year we haven’t lived yet.

Rosh Hashanah stands between those two years.

So let’s stand there for a moment too.

Let’s begin with a question that nobody can answer:

What is going to happen to you this year?

What will change?

What will you gain?

What will you lose?

Which plans will work?

Which ones won’t?

What opportunities will appear?

What difficulties will come?

Who will enter your life?

We don’t know.

Now think back for a moment to Elul last year.

Imagine that someone had asked you then to predict the following twelve months.

How much of what actually happened could you have known?

Probably far less than you imagined.

And yet we still have to live the next twelve months.

We have decisions to make.

We have obligations.

We have relationships.

We have work to do.

We have choices to make before Hashem.

So here is the central question:

How does a person live responsibly before Hashem when they do not know what is going to happen?

🔶 EXERCISE 1 — LOOKING BACK FROM THE FUTURE

Take out a piece of paper and write at the top:

ELUL 5787 — LOOKING BACK

Now imagine that it is a year from now.

Hashem has granted you another year of life, and you are approaching Rosh Hashanah again. You look back over the year and you are able to say:

“I used that year well. I did a good job with the year I was given.”

What would make that true?

Notice what you are not being asked.

You are not being asked to predict what will happen.

You are not being asked what would make your year easy.

You are being asked:

What would it mean for me to have used this coming year well?

Write down three things.

Perhaps something involving:

Your relationship with Hashem
Another person
Your family
Your work
Something you hope to build
Something you hope to contribute
Something you have been postponing
Something you hope to learn

Take a few minutes.

✦ WRITE YOUR THREE ANSWERS:

1. _______________________________________________

2. _______________________________________________

3. _______________________________________________

Now look carefully at your answers.

Circle anything where the outcome is something you can actually determine.

Not something you can influence.

Not something you can work towards.

Something you can personally make happen.

Then underline anything that describes something you can choose to do.

You may discover something interesting.

Perhaps you wrote:

“I want a better relationship with my daughter.”

Can you circle that?

Not really. There are two people involved in a relationship.

But perhaps you can underline:

“I will make time to speak with her every week.”

Or:

“I will stop responding angrily when we disagree.”

Suppose you wrote:

“I want my business to succeed.”

Can you determine that outcome?

Obviously not.

But you can determine whether you work responsibly. You can improve what you offer. You can seek appropriate advice. You can make the calls you know you should make.

And this exercise reveals something important.

We tend to imagine the future in terms of outcomes, but most outcomes are not ours to determine.

We are not the ones sitting in the driver’s seat with complete control.

And yet, Rosh Hashanah is a day of judgment.

Hashem holds human beings accountable.

So what exactly are we accountable for?

The Desire to Know What Comes Next

Human beings have always struggled with uncertainty.

In ancient times, people tried to discover the future through different forms of divination. The Torah describes practices that attempted to obtain knowledge that Hashem had not given to human beings.

But before asking what those practices were, perhaps we should ask a more basic question:

Why did people want them?

The answer is simple.

Ancient human beings had the same problem we have.

They didn’t know what was going to happen.

What if I go to war?

Will the harvest succeed?

Will my family prosper?

Is danger coming?

Human beings have always wanted to penetrate the uncertainty of the future.

And, of course, we still do.

We may not necessarily use the methods of ancient Canaan—although perhaps someone has a secret they are not telling us.

Instead, we research.

We forecast.

We ask for advice.

We look for more information.

None of those things is inherently wrong.

The Torah does not command us to be foolish.

But sometimes we cross an invisible line.

We stop gathering information in order to make a responsible decision and begin searching for something that no amount of information can actually give us:

certainty.

Healthy planning asks:

“Given what I know, what should I do?”

But another part of us asks:

“How can I make absolutely sure that everything will turn out the way I want?”

Those are not the same question.

The Torah tells us:

“You shall be wholehearted with Hashem your G-d.”

To be tamim with Hashem is to be whole and undivided.

There is no part of life that exists outside our relationship with Him.

Our responsibility is to carry out what Hashem has placed in our hands.

The future itself remains with Hashem.

Doing what I have to do and determining the future are not the same thing.

So let’s explore that distinction.

🔶 EXERCISE 2 — WHOSE DEPARTMENT IS IT?

For each statement, choose one answer:

M = My responsibility

H = Hashem’s department

B = Both

Don’t overthink the answers. The purpose is to notice where responsibility ends and where control ends.

1. Whether I get the job.

M / H / B

2. Whether I prepare properly for the interview.

M / H / B

3. Whether another person accepts my apology.

M / H / B

4. My reputation.

M / H / B

5. Whether something difficult happens to me this year.

M / H / B

6. How I respond when something difficult happens.

M / H / B

Some of these questions are not as simple as they first appear.

Take your reputation.

Your conduct is yours.

You are responsible for doing the right thing. You can work on becoming the best person you can be.

But what every other person thinks or says about you?

That is not completely within your control.

The same pattern appears in many of the things we worry about.

There are often two separate questions hiding inside one concern:

What belongs to me?

and

What does not belong to me?

And a great deal of human energy can be spent working very hard in the wrong department.

🔶 EXERCISE 3 — DIVIDE THE CONCERN

Take your paper and draw a vertical line down the middle.

Write:

MY RESPONSIBILITY	NOT IN MY CONTROL

Now think of one real concern you have about the coming year.

You do not need to share it with anyone.

It might involve work, family, relationships, finances, health, a difficult decision, or something else entirely.

Now divide the situation.

On the left, write:

What does this situation actually require from me?

Perhaps:

A decision
Work
A difficult conversation
Planning
Study
An apology
A boundary
Seeking advice
Prayer

On the right, write:

What can I not determine?

Perhaps:

Another person’s choice
Whether an opportunity appears
Whether my efforts succeed
Timing
Circumstances
The outcome

Take a moment to look at both sides.

Then ask yourself:

Am I spending more energy worrying about what I cannot control than acting on what is actually my responsibility?

Now look at the left-hand column.

Ask yourself:

What is one action I already know I should take?

✦ CIRCLE THAT ACTION.

Sometimes we don’t need another sign.

Sometimes we already know.

But What About the Things I Got Wrong?

This is where things become uncomfortable.

Perhaps we look at the left-hand side of the page and realise:

That was my responsibility.

And I failed.

I knew I should have done something differently.

I should have behaved differently.

I shouldn’t have said what I said.

I knew I owed something to someone.

I knew something wasn’t honest.

I had an obligation, and I neglected it.

I knew there was something Hashem required of me, and I didn’t do it.

I can’t move that into the other column.

I can’t say:

“Oh, that’s Hashem’s department.”

No.

That one was mine.

And if Rosh Hashanah is about judgment, and judgment means responsibility, then this is a question we cannot avoid.

This brings us to one of the most important ideas of Elul:

Teshuvah.

Teshuvah is often translated as repentance.

But literally, it means returning.

Returning to the place where we should be.

The principle of teshuvah appears very early in human history.

Before Sinai.

Before the Jewish people existed.

Before the giving of the Torah.

We find it in the story of Cain.

Cain is warned by Hashem about the direction in which he is going:

“Surely, if you improve, you will be elevated.”

And the message continues:

You can rule over those tendencies.

Think about what that means.

Hashem does not tell Cain:

“You have failed morally. This is who you are now.”

He tells him:

You can do better.

Your previous choice—even a bad one—does not remove your ability to make the next choice.

You can still choose differently.

That is a foundational idea of teshuvah.

Our previous failures do not cease to be our failures.

Teshuvah is not pretending that nothing happened.

In fact, it begins when we can honestly say:

“I own that one.”

“I did it.”

“And I need to change it.”

A human being is responsible for their choices.

But a human being is not imprisoned by their previous choices.

Confronting our flaws can become the beginning of growth.

And improvement can lead not only to forgiveness but to elevation.

You can become better than you were before.

🔶 EXERCISE 4 — RECOGNISE, REPAIR, CHANGE

Now look backwards.

Not at the year you haven’t lived yet.

At the year you have lived.

Think of one thing from 5786 that definitely belongs in the category:

MY RESPONSIBILITY

Not something someone else did to you.

Not something that simply went badly.

Something you can honestly say:

“I should have handled this differently.”

You will not be asked to share it.

Now work through these three questions.

1. RECOGNISE

Be precise.

Don’t simply write:

“That wasn’t good enough.”

Ask yourself:

What exactly did I do?
What did I neglect?
Where did my behaviour fail to reflect what Hashem expects from me?

✦ WRITE IT HERE:

2. REPAIR

Ask:

Can anything still be put right?

Do you owe:

An apology?
Money?
A correction?
A conversation?
Restoration?
The fulfilment of an obligation?

Can you make a reasonable attempt to repair the damage?

✦ WRITE ONE POSSIBLE ACTION:

3. CHANGE

Now ask:

If the same kind of situation happens again, what will I actually do differently?

Don’t write:

“I will be a better person.”

That is too vague.

Be specific.

What behaviour will change?

✦ WRITE IT HERE:

This is why Elul is not simply a month for feeling guilty.

The purpose of recognising where we have fallen short is to return.

To correct.

To repair.

To change.

Getting Back on the Horse

Of course, doubts creep in.

We may look honestly at the past year and think:

“I’ve said this before.”

“I’ve made resolutions before.”

“I’ve failed before.”

“I’ve tried before.”

So what makes us think we can do anything differently now?

The Torah tells us:

“You shall remember Hashem your G-d, for it is He who gives you power to accomplish.”

Hashem has given human beings the power to act.

Your intelligence.

Your abilities.

Your opportunities.

Your strength.

Your capacity to learn.

Your ability to make decisions.

Your ability to repair.

Even your ability to get up after falling down.

Teshuvah assumes something very important:

The future does not have to be a repetition of the past.

We are going to fall sometimes.

That is part of being human.

But falling is not the end of the story.

The important question is whether we get back up.

Perhaps the most dangerous thing about failure is not always the failure itself.

It is the voice that says:

“That’s it. You failed. Stay down.”

But life requires a different voice.

A voice that says:

“Get back on the horse.”

“Keep going.”

“Try again.”

We are often capable of being patient and understanding with everyone else.

But for some reason, we forget to include ourselves among the human beings who deserve patience.

We are also a person.

We also need room to grow.

Responsibility Without Control

Two ideas now come together.

First:

Use the strength Hashem has given you.

Act.

Build.

Repair.

Try.

And second:

Do not confuse your ability to act with your ability to control the outcome.

We are less in control than we sometimes imagine.

But we are also more responsible and capable than we sometimes admit.

So we cannot say:

“If Hashem controls the future, then nothing depends on me.”

That is not the world Hashem created.

But we also cannot say:

“If I do everything correctly, I can force the future to turn out exactly the way I want.”

The balance is more demanding than either extreme.

It is this:

Take complete responsibility for what Hashem has placed in your hands—without pretending that He has placed everything in your hands.

And that brings us to three words.

Three words for the year ahead.

🔶 FINAL EXERCISE — REPAIR, PURSUE, ENTRUST

Take a clean section of paper.

At the top, write:

5787

Underneath, write three words:

REPAIR

PURSUE

ENTRUST

And notice the order.

We begin with the year behind us.

1. 🔶 REPAIR

Look at what you wrote in the teshuvah exercise.

Ask yourself:

What is one thing from 5786 that should not simply be carried unrepaired into 5787?

Perhaps you owe someone an apology.

Perhaps something can be restored.

Perhaps an obligation can be fulfilled.

Maybe it does not need to become another New Year’s resolution.

Maybe it can simply be done.

✦ COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE:

Before I enter the new year, I will…

2. 🔶 PURSUE

Now look back at the first exercise.

What is one worthwhile thing you seriously want to attempt in the coming year?

Notice the word:

Attempt.

Not an outcome you are trying to force.

Something worth pursuing.

Something worthy of the strength Hashem has given you.

✦ COMPLETE THESE SENTENCES:

With Hashem’s help, I will pursue…

I will pursue this by…

The second answer should be something you can actually do.

3. 🔶 ENTRUST

Now return to the two columns:

My Responsibility and Not in My Control.

Ask yourself:

What have I been carrying as though the outcome were mine to determine?

✦ COMPLETE THESE TWO SENTENCES:

My responsibility is…

The outcome I entrust to Hashem is…

Now look at all three.

REPAIR

The past matters.

But it does not have to imprison you.

PURSUE

Hashem has given you strength.

Use it.

ENTRUST

Do what is yours to do.

Leave with Hashem what belongs to Him.

Standing Between Two Years

We began with a question:

What is going to happen to you this year?

And the truth is, I cannot answer that question.

Neither can you.

We do not know what the year 5787 contains.

We do not know which plans will succeed.

We do not know what challenges may come.

We do not know which things we are worrying about today will eventually turn out to be nothing.

And we do not know which unexpected blessings Hashem may bring.

But Elul gives us an extraordinary opportunity precisely because we don’t know.

We are standing between two years.

Behind us is a year we have already lived.

There were choices that belonged to us.

Some were good.

Some were not.

And where we failed, Hashem has not told us:

“That’s the end of your story.”

From the beginning of Genesis, we learn something different.

You can improve.

You can choose differently.

You have the ability to direct your energy.

That is teshuvah.

Ahead of us is a year that has not yet been lived.

Hashem has given us the strength to meet that year.

So use it.

And yet He has not given us complete knowledge of everything that year will contain.

So we can approach the future with openness.

With curiosity.

With humility.

With trust.

We can say:

“Let’s see what Hashem has in store.”

And standing between those two years is Rosh Hashanah.

Every one of us comes before Hashem.

That is why this time matters.

We do not know the judgment.

We do not know the coming year.

But we do know what we can do before we arrive there.

We can repair what can be repaired.

We can pursue what is worth pursuing.

And we can give back to Hashem the things that were never ours to determine.

You do not have to demand knowledge of tomorrow as the price of doing what is right today.

Use the strength Hashem has given you.

Correct what needs to be corrected.

Attempt what is worth attempting.

And enter the new year able to say:

What was mine to repair, I have begun to repair.

What is mine to do, I am prepared to do.

And what belongs to Hashem, I entrust to Him.

Then leave the year you haven’t lived yet in the hands of the One who knows—and the One who does.

(The recording quality of this lesson wasn’t good enough to post publicly on YouTube, but if you’d like to see the video, send me a message.)

By Rabbi Tani Burton

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