HASHEM SAVED ME BY KEEPING SILENT · Sukkat Shalom B'nei Noach

Until the age of 13, I grew up in a Baptist church. Where I was also baptised at that age. Although it wasn’t without controversy, because I was considered too young.

Not much later, my parents – and I too – switched to an ultra-dispensationalist sectarian movement. A movement that is pro-Israel, believes everyone is saved and accepts only Paul’s 5 Prison Books as authoritative for today. At the time, I learned to study mostly independently and to look at the texts in their original language. As a result, I did not understand why this movement could claim that the Torah would apply only to Jews and not to all humanity.

Although I learned a lot about Judaism, partly because I led and made the singing services in response to the Parshot, deep in my heart I doubted whether this was the right way.

Easter in particular was for me – for years – a chain of doubt. That whole story just didn’t add up, but what didn’t add up. After all, a person needs forgiveness of sins; we sometimes make a mess of things. On the other hand, why should someone else clean up that mess for me? Shouldn’t I do that myself?

Then came an incredibly difficult period in my life. A period when I wanted Hashem to do certain things that He did not do. From my perspective, that was unfair – I was a believer, trying to live as well as I could – and He did “nothing”, a silent heaven. Until one day, as if struck by lightning, I understood why He did nothing. His doing “nothing” was the greatest gift He could have given me, because it saved me from a tremendously great sin. A sin I probably could not have learned to live with.

When I realised that, only then did I understand how great He was and that I wanted to serve Him, and only Him. But it did not yet solve my “Easter problem”.

My grandmother died when I was very young, but she had something special. So I decided to go to “her church”. A heavily reformed church. I approached the pastor with 1 main question – how does a person get forgiveness, and linked to it my questions and doubts I had about J’sus. I never got an answer.

At the same time, I posed the question about forgiveness to a rabbi. He took all the time for all my questions, and the extraordinary thing was, I felt he was telling the truth, even though I didn’t understand everything he said right away. He awakened my soul.

Then everything gained momentum. I came into contact with Rabbi Tovia Singer. From my ultra-dispensationalist background, I knew by heart all the texts he named from the New Testament. And all the pieces of the puzzle immediately fell into place. All these years I had been trying to make a puzzle, with the puzzle pieces upside down. Everything I had been taught was the exact opposite of the truth. That’s how I came in contact with the Noahide Code an the 7 Noahide Laws.

I will always be grateful to Hashem for His silence, it made me see His goodness. Who can resist His goodness.

My promise to Him, that I wanted to serve Him, led me to take off my messianic necklace on Shavuot and put on my necklace of Torah. A very important turning point for me. A year later I was allowed to take my Noahide vow through Zoom, and exactly another year later I was allowed to confirm it in Jerusalem by the rabbi’s whom I respect so much.

I feel, no, I am a blessed person, grateful for every blessing He gives and for everything I’m able to do for Him.

Thank you Yoeri for inspiring me to share this part of my story.

글: 앙젤리크 시볼츠

하느님께서 침묵하심으로써 나를 구원하셨다.