בס”ד
Ethics of Speech in Jewish Law
In Jewish tradition, speaking about others with harmful intent, known as Lashon Hara, is considered detrimental—not only to the person being spoken about but also to the speaker themselves. Even if the other person doesn’t suffer harm, the speaker harms themselves by engaging with negativity. Thinking positively about others leads to a happier life.
There are two forms of Lashon Hara:
- Harmful Lashon Hara: This refers to speaking about someone in a way that actually causes them harm—physically, emotionally, or financially.
- Denigrating Lashon Hara: This involves making negative comments about someone without directly causing them harm, but damaging their reputation or feelings.
What is considered denigrating is often subjective and depends on the context, tone, and the speaker’s intent. For example, the comment “she is big” may be perceived as offensive in some cultures or contexts, but in another situation, it might be seen as a compliment.
There are four important conditions in Jewish law that determine whether sharing information is harmful:
- The speaker must have no negative intent. If the speaker themselves has a negative attitude toward the information, it should not be shared.
- The listener must not judge the person negatively. Even if the speaker doesn’t intend harm, they need to be clear that the listener will interpret the information positively.
- The information must not be a secret. If the person in question doesn’t want their private information shared, it cannot be shared without their permission. This applies to sensitive matters like mental health issues or personal events like a divorce.
- The listener must be wise and modest (Chacham and Tsanua). The listener must be able to hold the information without drama or sensationalism. They must understand the potential consequences for the person being spoken about.
In Jewish tradition, a suitable listener is referred to as Chacham Tsanua. Chacham means ‘wise’ and refers to someone who has both knowledge and the wisdom to learn from everyone. They understand the consequences of their words and act with foresight.
Tsanua is often translated as ‘modest,’ but it refers to someone who doesn’t seek external validation. They have self-awareness and respect, which allows them to keep information discreet for they do not need to broadcast it to get attention.
For example, sharing someone’s personal information, like a divorce or a mental health diagnosis, should always be done with care, consent, and a constructive purpose to avoid harm.
Conclusion
There are certain things you cannot say about someone because G-d has defined them as harmful. For example, you cannot call someone a thief without a constructive purpose. However, for many matters, the Torah leaves it up to our judgment—how we view the person, how the listener will interpret it, whether it’s a secret, and whether the listener has the wisdom and self-control to handle it properly. If you can check off these four conditions, then there’s no reason you can’t speak about someone else. However, as Rabbi Salasnik mentioned, many situations can be problematic, and it’s often better to avoid speaking negatively about others unless you’re sure all four conditions are met.
Talk from Rabbi Menachem Salasnik
The above is a representation of the spoken text converted to written text.
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