בס”ד
A THOUGHT ABOUT PARSHAT TAZRIA 5785
From Gossip to Positive Communication
Introduction
This week is the Parshah Tazria, which is often thought of as leprosy, but actually refers to a white rash or eczema on the skin. In Jewish tradition, this condition is connected to gossip and negative speech.1 In this discussion, we explore the essence of gossip, why people engage in it, and how we can transform it into positive communication. Join us on a journey from negative chatter to uplifting dialogue.
Understanding Gossip
The concept of Tsara’at in Jewish tradition was caused by psychological mistakes, including harmful speech such as Lashon Hara, Rechilus, and Motsie Shem Ra.
- Lashon Hara (literally “evil speech”) refers to speaking negatively about someone, even if the information is true. For example, spreading critical but factual comments about a colleague behind their back.
- Rechilus involves gathering and spreading information about someone without their consent, much like relaying confidential workplace discussions to others.
- Motsie Shem Ra refers to spreading false information that damages a person’s reputation, such as fabricating rumors about a competitor to gain an advantage.
While gossip might seem to fulfill certain psychological and social needs, such as:
- Maintaining and reinforcing social norms.
- Controlling behavior by discouraging rule-breaking (“What will the neighbors say?”).
- Strengthening group bonds by creating a sense of “we-ness.”
- Serving as a form of stress relief and emotional regulation.
- Providing useful information about social dynamics or career advancement.
It is crucial to recognize that gossip can have harmful consequences. When negative speech is rewarded with attention, it creates a cycle that encourages more of the same behavior.
Transforming Gossip into Positive Communication
To break free from negative communication, we must become aware of our tendencies to gossip and consciously choose positive alternatives. One effective approach is following these “Ten Commandments” against Lashon Hara and Rechilus:
- Speak no evil. Choose to share uplifting and kind words.
- Do not listen to evil. Avoid encouraging gossip by refusing to engage in it.
- Do not rationalize destructive speech. Saying “But it’s true!” or “It was just a joke” does not justify harmful words.
- See no evil. Judge others favorably, just as you would like to be judged.
- Beware of non-verbal gossip. Body language and even seemingly positive speech can be harmful.
- Be humble. Arrogance fuels negativity, while humility helps prevent destructive speech.
- Think before sharing. Even positive information should not be shared without permission.
- Prioritize honesty wisely. While honesty is valuable, it should never come at the expense of harming others.
- Learn to apologize. If you have spoken poorly about someone, take responsibility and make amends.
- Forgive. If someone has spoken ill of you, let go of resentment and choose peace.
By following these principles, we can create an environment of respect, kindness, and constructive dialogue.
The Science of Positive Communication
Neuroscience shows that behaviors such as gossip trigger neurotransmitters like oxytocin, which reinforce social bonding. However, we can harness this biological tendency for good by rewarding positive speech instead. By choosing to respond with encouragement rather than engaging in negativity, we shift the social norm toward kindness.
As Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi wisely stated2:
“My beloved ones, I beseech you to implant love for your fellow human beings in your heart. Do not even consider evil in your thoughts, and if such thoughts arise, push them away like smoke. For speaking ill of another is as serious as idolatry, incest, and bloodshed. And if this is the case with speech, how much more so with thought!”
Conclusion
While we cannot control how others communicate, we can choose to cultivate a culture of respect and kindness through our words and actions. By becoming more mindful of our speech and reinforcing positive communication, we contribute to a more supportive and uplifting community.
Challenge: The next time you find yourself in a gossip-driven conversation, redirect it toward something constructive. Notice the difference it makes!
By Angelique Sijbolts
With thanks to Rabbi Tuvia Serber for the feedback
Sources
Kli Yakar and Rabbi Kalman Packouz https://www.aish.com/tp/ss/ssw/507909531.html
Niet roddelen, kwaadspreken of lasteren door Rabbijn Meïr
Roddelen waarom doen we het
De positieve kanten van roddelen
The Thirteen Principles of Jewish Faith
Numbers 23:18
Roddelen hoe werkt het in
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