Tuesday 7 Adar 5783 – 28 februari 2023
Tehillim – Psalm 40:2
קַוֺּ֣ה קִוִּ֣יתִי יְהֹוָ֑ה וַיֵּ֥ט אֵ֝לַ֗י וַיִּשְׁמַ֥ע שַׁוְעָתִֽי׃
I held much hope: I hoped in Hashem that He would answer my prayers, and He turned His ear to me and listened to my cry for help.
Chaos, disorder, ambiguity do not fit well in my head. Order, regularity and above all structure, lots of structure, that makes me happy. Everything at a fixed time, in the same way, with the same actions and words and customs.
This certainly applies to my morning ritual of prayer. First book a, then book b, then prayer a and then prayer b etc. Over time, I have developed a ritual all my own. Which I hold on to, which makes me feel that I am doing it right, that I don’t forget anything to say that is important. That I praise Hashem first, then thank, then…..then I should come to a much deeper and more intense prayer, and yet those are not the prayers that have the most depth.
Real prayer, real depth is there when it comes from the heart, which unfortunately often gives that real depth only when you need Hashem. That depth is how prayer should always be, or perhaps should be precisely in joyful moments, or in very daily moments.
Balancing structure and spontaneity, fixed moments and spontaneous moments, that’s what I want to work on.
This morning I was sitting on the balcony of our hotel, surrounded by the darkness of the night, the crowing of the roosters in the background and, above all, a lot of silence. I had completed my ritual, now I wanted to focus on “spontaneity” and I had no idea, no idea what to say, and precisely in that silence is Hashem. Because even prayer without words, just the intention to connect in that new way is prayer. And just as the roosters, in the darkness announce the new day, I wish my silence to be a beginning of a new phase.
Geschreven door Angelique Sijbolts
Sources: Likutei Moharan
With thanks to Rabbi Tani Burton
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