What defines growing up?
Western society/mainstream has a superficial way of looking at it, manmade ideals on ethics, social status, and a highly physical belief to a purposeless life, “you only live once so do and take as much as you can” an insignificant spec in an insignificant universe, trying to fill an unsatiatable black hole with physical objects of desire and lust based on the self “I was born alone and i’ll die alone” all slogans to a very depressing existence in which one can only look away from the fear death, while distracting oneself with meaningless entertainment and objects.
Ignorance is a choice
The atheist point of view ignores all the signs of our intelligent creator, Hashem who is beyond time, space and matter. As children we asked difficult questions but we along the way we are silenced by lies, questions like: where did time begin? Where are the boundaries of space? is there a wall at the end? And if so, what is behind that wall? Where does all the variety of matter come from? and how come that it is all so perfectly set in motion to make our world a place that nourishes and sustains us? Think of the sun that infinitely burns and the moon, both flying without any engine at the perfect speed and distance. There are so many question which humans are unable to answer, unless….
A path of humility
There is a path of humbleness, one in which we admit to be very limited in our knowledge yet percieving there is a higher entity beyond time, space and matter, an intelligent Creator that made these to mankind unexplainable wonders with a purpose, and every single one of his creations evolves around us, ignoring the fact that we are here for a reason, like is the case with any invention or complex creation, we are like a short cut within the network of energy, meaningless living for our shallow desires instead of sharing, giving, acts of chessed, without this we are mearly a malfunction in the body of unity.
My path of growing up
My life was one big malfunction, at young age my father taught me how to steal, lie, rob, deceive and rebel against the system in any possible way, judging others to hide my own flaws and a low self esteem that needed to be numbed by alcohol and drugs, as the temporary relief quickly wore off, my greatest fear had become, being sober for even an hour in my life, as a young “adult” I was so messed up, many times when the high wore off a bit, I compared myself to others and cried believing I was mentally broken, I was born crazy and nothing could fix that ever, I had grown a reliabillity to problems aswell, the moment my life went a little better, I deliberately created new problems to feel in my comfort zone again, I needed the tention I was used to, from all the fights at home and my own doings, some prisoners have the same,aferdoing 20 yearsormore, they feel a home inside, and fear freedom.
Breaking point
One day I decided to ask my father with whom I could speak about everything: how can I get out of this life I am living? He told me I couldn’t, we are like this and let nobody try to fool you, this is what you are. We are the wolves amongst the sheep, it took some realisation but for the first time in my life, he wasnt my hero anymore, he was the one holding me back and I was going to prove him wrong. I thank Hashem who put me exactly where I needed to be, and I love my father with all his flaws, hoping one day he will ask about Hashem and do Teshuva, as I am in his life just the same, for a reason that is.
Embracing all difficulties
It was a long road to sobriety and emotional development took me about 25 years, good for 25 books at least, at a certain point in time Hashem became my first priority and after years of searching, he lead me to Judaism, showing me that all the growth i had been going through mas merely the beginning, I had become a G-d loving person, full of chessed and fearless to any calamity, which i had allways been because of my youth, but now all was for the positive, the focus had shifted from myself towards my neighbour, Emunah and Bitachon grew sky high, as the hand of Hashem was clearly in all aspects of my life taking care of me, I realised that all is exactly how it should be, offering us chances, in the shape of the needed difficulties that match exactly what it is that we can improve, and aslong as we do not master that change, Hashem keeps on putting these situations for us to grasp, showing how much he loves us. That love doesn’t remain unanswered, so I live to level my animal soul to the divine soul, feeling priviliged to have at least 7 Mitzvot that bring about world peace and so much Torah truth to yet be discovered, that is what growing up means, a spiritual journey that gets us back in the image of Hashem.
By Yoeri
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